Nature Boy
by rentemotion
Summary: She made all of these promises, made me think it would be heaven. No, it’s no heaven, it’s hell, she’s stuck me in hell. So much power, but so many limitations, so much death.
1. Ampersand

I walk down my street at night  
The city lights are strange and violent  
I am comforted by the approaching sounds of trucks and sirens  
Even though the world's so bad  
These men rush out to help the dying  
And though I am no use to them  
I do my part by simply smiling

The ghetto boys are catcalling me  
As I pull my keys from my pocket  
I wonder if this method of courtship  
Has ever been effective  
Has any girl in history said  
Sure, you seem so nice, let's get it on  
Still, I always shock them when I answer  
Hi my name's Amanda  
and I'm not gonna live my life on one side of an ampersand  
and even if I went with you I'm not the girl you think I am  
and I'm not gonna match you  
cause I'll lose my voice completely yeah  
I'm just gonna watch you  
Cause I'm not the one that's crazy  
-Ampersand by Amanda Palmer-

I hate those stupid, 'Above The Influence' commercials, seriously, no teenager out there is going to see those and say, "Hey, good point, let me throw out that bag of weed that I just spent like a hundred bucks on. Thank you commercial people." Seriously…not going to happen.

I flipped through the channels hoping to God something interesting would catch my eye, just more dumb commercial advertising dead animals on a bun.

Yes I just went there…

The house was empty, the only sound was the TV that blared in front of me in the living room. My roommate was in class, I should probably be doing my essay for my Musical Theory class about the origins of Pop music, it is due next Thursday, but I think I'll find something more interesting to do.

Being a Musical Theater Major is harder than it sounds, granted, it's not Medical school, but it's still tough. Physically, it's very demanding.

I dropped the remote and closed my eyes, relaxing into the couch. Just as I was drifting into a peaceful nap, I heard my phone ringing, then felt it vibrating next to me. I reached down, digging for it in an angry way.

"Shouldn't you be in class and not bugging me?"

The person on the other end was breathing heavy. _"Lidia, I need your help! I have this massive Psychology paper due this Thursday and I am drawing a massive blank!"_

"Psychology? Why the fuck are you taking Psychology? What does that have to do with Creative writing?"

Xandra groaned. "_Nothing! I thought it would be fun, so I signed up for it."_

"Uh, do you see the error in your ways now or should I rub it in a bit more?"

She took an exasperated breath. "_No need to rub it in 'Oh Smart One' I know I'm a dumbass…"_

I giggled. "Ok, just making sure."

_"Seriously Lidia, please, come to the library, I need your help."_

I sighed. "Fine…"

_"Help me Obi-won-Conobi you're my only hope."_

With that I hung up on her, it's all fun and games until someone pulls out the movie quotes.

I ran a brush through my blonde hair, trying to get some of the curl out of it, unfortunately for that to work it would take an hour and my Chi, neither of which I have at this precise moment. The circles under my blue eyes gave away the fact that I hadn't been sleeping much, but it didn't bother me.

Isn't that what college is about?

It took me less than ten minutes to get to the large library in the middle of the campus, once I was inside I saw Xandra bent over a table in the back corner, her long fingers twirling her red hair like she normally did when stressed. I smiled and made my way to her.

"Have no fear, your Knight in Shinning Armor is here!"

She looked up at me with a small smile. "Hmm, who knew he'd be so pretty?"

I shrugged. "Just lucky I guess."

As soon as I settled in the seat Xandra began drilling me on everything she had to write, trying to figure out exactly how to put it on paper. Nearly two hours went by, we had four pages written out of the 14 pages that had to be turned in.

"Lidia, do you mind going to get this book for me?" She handed me a piece of paper with the name scrawled across it. I stood from the table, let out a small groan, then stalked towards the Psychology section.

"A Natural History of Love by D. Ackerman…" My fingers ran over the books spines, when I finally found the one I was looking for I pulled it from the tight shelf, I nearly dropped the heavy book once it was off the shelf.

As I was righting myself, the heavy book now in hand I noticed one of the other books that had fallen from the shelf. The cover was tan leather, but it didn't look like it would fit in this section, the cover was torn, it must have been very old.

I bent down, picking the book up, I flipped through it, all the pages were covered in script, handwritten script, it wasn't very hard to figure out this was a journal. I read the date on the first page.

"April 8th, 1625…" I didn't get a chance to read the entry, someone's hand landed on my shoulder, I jumped and nearly dropped the two books.

"What's taking you so long?" Xandra asked as she pulled the psychology book from my hand. "I got to finish this paper!" She stalked away in a huff.

I stared after her, reminding myself that it would be wrong to murder my best friend, I would miss her too much…

Besides, its to hard to train a new one, I've invested a lot of time into Xandra. That last thought made me smile and I made my way back to the table.

Four hours later, we finally made it back to the house, her paper finally finished. She fell back onto the couch with a sigh. "Let us get drunk and be merry!" She punched the air with her fist, then let her hand drop as if it took to much energy.

I sighed and walked past her. "I can't I have some reading to do." She raised an eyebrow in my direction, but I ignored her and continued to my room.

I curled up in bed, Nirvana laid her large head on my lap and I scratched behind her ears. I pulled the leather bound Journal from my bag and opened it slowly, as if the owner was going to burst in here and demand it back.

According to the date, this person is long gone…so why do I feel like such an ass for reading it?

The persons name was scrawled in neat letters on the inside of the cover. "Christopher Wentworth, let's find out just who you were…"

_"__April 8th 1625__,_

_She promised no pain, she said it would be the most amazing feeling, better than anything I'd ever felt. She said the worries of my old life wouldn't worry me anymore, that once she was through my mind would be free of the fear, of the doubt. She made all of these promises, made me think it would be heaven. No, it's no heaven, it's hell, she's stuck me in hell. So much power, but so many limitations, so much death. _

_I've been in this dark room for hours now, trying to forget what I have done, trying to forgive myself, my first victims body lies on the other side of the room. I hadn't even realized what I had done until her warm body became cold. Emma just laughed at me as I pushed the girls body away from me in disgust, she says that it's something I'll get used to. I don't think I want to get used to it._

_They're searching for me, my family has probably got half the town on the search, several times they've knocked on Emma's door asking if she has seen me, she of course, lies, if anyone of them saw me now they'd know. She says they'd burn me alive._

_She's been trying to get me to talk to her for hours, but I refuse, she just laughs, tells me I'm just going through denial. I can't seem to get the girls face out of my mind, even now as her body is covered, she is but a mere lump underneath the sheet Emma has draped over her. I took this girls life, not even knowing if she had a family. I didn't even know her name."_

I shut the book, trying to wrap my mind around the words I just read, Nirvana looked up at me, I petted her with a shaking hand.

Am I reading the journal of a serial killer?


	2. What's The Use Of Wonderin?

What's the use of wondering if he's good or if he's bad  
Or if you like the way he wears his hat  
Ooh what's the use of wondering if he's good or if he's bad  
He's your fella and you love him  
That's all there is to that  
-What's the Use Of Wonderin By Amanda Palmer-

Beth ran from the office towards the bedroom, knocking books off her coffee table in the process, but she didn't pay attention to that. She grabbed the sheets of her bed and pulled them off exposing the fitted sheet underneath them.

"God dammit!" She yelled and continued to tear her room apart. She fell to her knees and began digging under her bed. "Where is it?!" She screamed in anxiety. She moved on from the bed to her dresser, pulling out the drawers, sending some onto the floor, nearly hitting her feet.

"Beth? What the hell happened in here?"

She sighed and looked at the door, Mick's tall frame stared at her in confusion.

"I did something kind of stupid…" She bit her lip, staring at him, trying to figure out how to go on. "First off, its not my fault! People shouldn't leave stuff like that just laying around you know…ok so it wasn't just laying around it was stuffed under some papers in his desk drawers, but still he should lock his drawers if he's going to leave something like that in there, I mean really, anyone could have gotten their hands on it and…"

Mick finally cut off her rant. "Beth what did you do?"

She looked at him, her face scrunched in worry. "I stole Josef's journal."

Mick didn't say anything for a moment, just stared at her, shock written on his face. Finally he spoke. "Beth do you have a death wish?"

"It gets worse…" Mick sighed and rubbed his temples. Beth looked at the mess around her with a groan. "I never got the chance to read it…I lost it…"

"You lost it! How could you lose it?!"

She shook her head. "I don't even know! I had it in my bag, I mean after I left his house I met with you to give you the paper work you needed, then I went to see my cousin at Hearst, she was in the library freaking out over some paper she had due, I helped her find some good books for her paper and….oh my God…"

"What?!"

She groaned again. "There was this girl who came running down the aisle, her boyfriend was chasing her, well she ran right into me, and knocked me over, the some of the books fell off the shelf, and a bunch of stuff from my bag fell out as well…The girl stopped and picked up the books that fell…"

"She picked up the journal didn't she?"

Beth shook her head. "That's the only thing I can think could possibly happen, I've searched the apartment for just incase...but it's not here."

Mick turned and headed towards the door, Beth followed behind him, he grabbed his sunglasses and keys, she followed him out the door wordlessly.

The elevator ride down to the car was silent, it wasn't until they got into the car Mick finally spoke.

"I don't know how I'm going to protect you in this situation…"

"Maybe we wont have to worry about that…maybe it's in still on the shelf at the school and everything will be fine, I'll just put it back where it was…"

"Do you know what the date in the journal was?"

She nodded. "April 8th, 1625."

"Shit…That's the year he was turned…"

"I'm guessing Josef isn't the type to let his best friend read his journals?"

Mick sent her a pointed glare. "Not exactly, I think his exact words were if he ever catches me touching one of them he would personally castrate me."

"Ouch…"

With Mick's, speeding they made it to the college in record time, Beth got out of the car and ran into the library, Mick following close behind. She quickly made it to the aisle, searching for any signs of the small leather book. After a few minutes of search she looked up at Mick.

"Well technically he can't castrate me since I'm a girl…"

"So this means someone has it…that's great…"

"But they can't trace it back to Josef right? He's changed his name since then right?"

Mick nodded. "That is probably under his real name, since it's so close to him being turned…We need to talk to your cousin, we need to see if she saw anyone with a old leather bound book, maybe if she has an idea of who has it we can get it back without telling Josef."

Beth chewed nervously on her lip. "Mick, what's going to happen to me if we can't find it?"

He took a deep breath. "I don't know…"

She sighed. "I'll call Xandra…"

Mick waited impatiently in the car, running all sorts of scenarios through his head, if they can't find it and they have to tell Josef it will go one of two ways. One way, he takes it badly and rips both of their heads off, the other way; he takes it not as badly and lunges after Beth.

Honestly he didn't know which was better, Josef was older and stronger than him, he didn't particularly want to get into a wrestling match with him, just because he seemed like a pretty boy didn't mean he couldn't fight.

Beth opened the car door, shaking Mick from his thoughts; she fell into the seat next to him with a groan. "I told Xandra I was doing research for a story and that I had found an old journal for it, I told her I lost it in the library, she says if she sees it, she'll let us know…"

Mick sighed as he shifted the car into gear. "Well I guess we better go see Josef…"

"Do we have to?"

Mick just shook his head. "It's better to tell him and get it over with than to wait and have him find out himself…"

Beth nodded, several scenes played out in her head of Josef's reaction, they all ended with her head on one side of the room and her body on the other. The ride to Josef's office seemed to go by quickly, to quickly in Beth's opinion. The elevator dinged, pulling her from her thoughts, she felt Mick pulling her hand, leading her into the office.

Who knew hell would have air conditioning?

Josef was standing in front of his desk, staring at them, somehow Beth knew that he knew.

"So I was looking through my desk drawers today, I seem to be missing a certain item…" He crossed his arms, sending glares in Beth's direction. When she didn't respond he continued through clenched teeth. "Where's my journal I know you took it!"

Beth flinched and stepped back behind Mick a bit. "I…I don't know…"

"You. Don't. Know…" His hands tightened into fist. "Please, for your sake tell me you didn't lose it."

"We know the general location of it…but…" He glared at her and she continued. "A student at Hearst college has it…"

"You're telling me that some juvenile child has my journal?"

"So it would seem…" Mick muttered.

Josef leaned further back into his desk. "It seems I have two options here, the first is obvious, I'm pretty sure you know what it is…" Beth held onto Mick's arm, it didn't take a genius to realize what he meant, the details might vary, but basically she'd be dead. "Or, I could let you live and you could retrieve it for me."

"But what if I can't find it?"

"Then I guess we'll be going back to option one wont we?"


	3. La Vie Boheme

To days of inspiration  
Playing hookie, making something out of nothing  
The need to express  
To communicate,  
To going against the grain,  
Going insane  
Going mad  
To loving tension, no pension  
To more than one dimension,  
To starving for attention,  
Hating convention, hating pretension  
Not to mention of course,  
Hating dear old mom and dad  
To riding your bike,  
Midday past the three- piece suits  
To fruits to no absolutes  
To Absolute- to choice  
To the Village Voice  
To any passing fad  
To being an us-for once-, instead of a them -

-La Vie Boheme from Rent-

Days past, I continued reading the story of Christopher, this Emma woman was a real bitch, no hints to exactly what he was, but there was a body count, at the end of each entry he would right a number, and I knew that's what it stood for.

"_May 2nd 1625_

_They torched our house today, it's been two weeks since I was officially considered dead by my town, but someone said they saw me in the woods, apparently Emma is a witch who drug my spirit from the heavens and doomed me to walk the earth._

_If they only knew how true that was._ _So they burnt down the house, their way of getting rid of their problem, Emma says we have to run, leave Britain, apparently we aren't safe here anymore, all this power, all this strength, and we can't even defend ourselves? Why do we have to run?_

_I killed another girl today, Emma seems to enjoy watching the last hints of humanity leave me as the days go by. She brings me younger girls each time, seeing if I'll ever turn them down, but it hasn't happened yet, my hunger is much stronger than my guilt._

_Twenty-two."_

The entry took up only half the page, on the bottom the same hand writing had written something in, the ink looked much newer, but besides that there was no difference.

"_Razors pain you, rivers are damp, acids stain you, and drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful, nooses give, gas smells awful. Might as well live."_

I stopped, staring at the script, I knew that poem…That was written by Dorothy Parker, and if I can remember right, in my English class we learned that she was born in the 1800's, years after this guy should have died…

I examined the writing more, there wasn't a single difference between the two, how is this possible?

I flipped to the next page, scanning it quickly, this entry his handwriting wasn't near as neat this time, I could tell from the way he wrote he was angry, depressed, and hurting.

_"__May 3rd, 1625_

_I grew up living next to Elisa Jackson, each year I watched her grow to become a beautiful woman, my whole life I had spent loving her, wanting to be with her, but it never seemed to happen._

_Even in my death I was obsessed with her, Emma saw this, apparently she didn't like it. She caught me watching her as she walked past our new hide out, she laughed in that melodic way of hers, informing me if I wanted her so badly then I should just take her. But I could never do that to someone, especially not Elisa, she deserved so much more than this. _

_I awoke today to a horrific screaming, something I'd become used to, living in the presence of Emma, she rather enjoys playing with her food. As I exited the tub filled with ice water I heard more screaming._

_I followed the sound into one of the other rooms, only to be met with a scarring sight. Emma had Elisa cornered, her small frame shaking, blood stained her dress, she was rocking, hands covering her face, and screaming. Emma looked back at me with a malicious smile, then pulled Elisa to her feet, throwing her in my direction. _

_Elisa fell into my arms like a rag doll, she didn't have the strength to hold herself up anymore, she looked up at me, her green eyes were no longer the same young, hopeful eyes I had fallen for, instead the were crazed, broken, I knew that whatever life used to be in Elisa, Emma had made sure to take it, she was nothing more than a mere body, following orders from a mind that no longer understood why it was still functioning._

_'You wanted her, there she is.' Emma spoke, her words echoing in the silent room, I watched her leave the room, leaving me with the task. I looked once more at the girl, trying to envision her as nothing more than a stranger I lured from the street, after all, Elisa was no longer in there, it was just a shell now._

_'Please' was all she would say, she kept repeating it as she buried her head into my chest. I shut my eyes, trying to block out the thoughts that plagued me, then without another thought, I sunk me teeth into her flesh._

_Twenty-Three."_

I stared at the page for at least five extra minutes before my phones alarm went off, reminding me it was time for theater class. I jumped from my bed and headed towards the door.

The auditorium door made a loud thud as it shut behind me, everyone in the class, all twenty of them, were all sitting in the middle of the stage in a circle. They all looked at me, Torah just giggled at me for being late.

"Shut it…" I muttered as I sat next to her.

She continued to giggle, causing her straight brown hair to fall lower in its ponytail. Torah and I went through high school together, we went through choir and theater, through multiple auditions and multiple duet performances, even something we now know as the Cell Block Tango Fiasco…

Don't ask unless you want a four hour rant from Torah, mostly in Spanish. She sighed, leaning her head against my shoulder, whispering to me telling me what I had missed. I kept giggling at some of the sarcastic comments she made.

"Ladies, is there something you need to share with the class?"

Torah sat up straight and nodded. "I was just professing my undying love for Lidia…"

I smiled and joined in on the joke. "Here we are dear old friend, you and I drunk again.  
Laughs have been had and tears have been shed. Maybe the whiskey's gone to my head…" I sang loudly and off key, causing several people around me to burst into laughter.

Soon Torah and several other people joined in. "But if I were gay, I would give you my heart. And if I were gay, you'd be my work of art, and if I were gay we would swim in romance. But I'm not gay, so get your hand out of my pants…"

"Okay, okay very funny guys, that's enough!" Mrs. Laurence laughed at our little joke, but I could tell she was getting annoyed.

Torah and I had been doing things like that since high school, once we were suspended for three days for standing on our desk and singing La Vie Boheme, we got all the way to the second verse which mentions dildo's before the teacher was able to stop us.

Yea, we were pretty bad ass.

Mrs. Laurence went on about stage presence and several other things, but my mind was far from this class room, my mind was back with Christopher, wondering what the hell went on with him.


	4. Note

Dear readers,

Anyone who is possibly reading this can tell it isn't a chapter, but please continue reading because this is important. I had the next chapter of this story almost finished two weeks ago when I had a major incident happened, something that I've been knowing would happen for quite some time, but it finally came to be in a very dramatic (and very Belinda like) way, I have my own style of handleing things of this sort.

But now, due to my actions things are a bit crazy around here, I barely have time to myself anymore, my mom and Nathan are constantly in my business, fearing what I might do now...

I'm unsure of when I will be able to update again, hopefully soon when my medicine levels back out.

I'm sorry guys.


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